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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

  1. You’ve Got to Get Back in the Saddle To Ride Into the Sunset

    April 14, 2014 by Diane

    love of horse

    My Wise Self reminded me that humans are social creatures. It’s good for our brains. It’s good for our well-being. It’s the light that keeps us alive. It’s time, she said gently, to start dating again.

    I had pried my heart from my last relationship. The single life was beginning to lose its charm. I had even read a copy of Meeting Your Half-Orange. She was right. It was time.

    So I made an effort. I brought a book to Peet’s Coffee & Tea, and I read.

    That’s making an effort? 

    I lugged my laptop to the library, and I wrote.

    You’ve got to look up, my Wise Self suggested.

    “Here? Now? At the library?”

    I looked around.

    I saw the Japanese man eating a hamburger with chopsticks.

    I saw a sporty guy in casual slacks and loafers surfing porn on the internet, his left leg jiggling.

    I saw a teenage boy gliding past the window on a skate board wearing a T-shirt that read: Have You Seen This Person? And his photo was on it.

    These, these were the pickings.

    Go outside, my wise self prodded.

    So I took my book to the park and stretched out on a blanket. There were people in the park. Dog walkers. One of them stopped by my blanket to say hello. A man with the build of a baseball player. Blonde hair, merry blue eyes. I said to myself: yes, this one I’d like to meet. But there was no matchmaker sitting on the bench nearby waiting to do my bidding. So I bid my time.

    I went back to reading.

    Eventually the mystery man asked me out for coffee. I released my hold on the book and left it at home. I ordered one of those fancy soy drinks laced with chocolate syrup. He ordered coffee, and paid the tab. We sat at a small table and sipped our drinks and then he leaned back in his chair and asked for my pedigree. I smiled. I knew I’d never pass his test because he drove a Porsche and I’d never even sat in one. I knew that if he knew he was slumming right now he’d check his wallet and then beat a hasty retreat.

    Don’t be so judgmental, my Wise Self cautioned.

    I took a breath.

    I smiled at baseball man.

    I looked into those merry eyes and told him the truth. A bite-sized piece of it, just enough so he wouldn’t choke. I wasn’t about to haul out my life story. A story is to be savored, not gulped all at once.

    And it felt good. It felt good to be back in the saddle again. I wasn’t riding any cowboys. I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking this was a date. It was a soy drink; it was two people conversing.

    But it was a soy drink with a man who wasn’t my ex.


  2. Top Ten Dating Tips (Since You Asked)

    April 7, 2014 by Diane

    Romantic date

    I went on a non-date with a guy. It seemed like a date: an outing at the coast, dinner, he drove, he paid. But there we were, sitting at an outdoor café after a lovely stroll, when my “date” leaned forward and asked me for dating advice.

    I sipped my tea thoughtfully, mentally banging my head on the table, and then offered up one of the gems on this list. (Guess.)

    Tip number 1: Don’t ask your date for dating advice.

    Tip number 2: A getaway to the shore, with dinner, is likely to be construed as a date. If you also pay for everything, most women will agree…it’s a date.

    Tip number 3: If you ask for a woman’s pedigree on the first outing and then slot her into the category of “having too much baggage,” take a breath. Everyone over the age of fifteen has baggage. Instead, be mindful of how the baggage is handled. Is she still dragging it around? Has she turned it in for a newer model? Or has she dealt with everything in the bags, moved up the evolutionary ladder, and now travels lighter?

    Tip number 4: If you’re only seeking women who have advanced educational degrees, you might miss out on women who have advanced wisdom. All the college in the world won’t teach wisdom. That comes from life experiences, awareness, and inner work.

    Tip number 5: If you’re only seeking women who are “hotties,” look deeper. If the inner package doesn’t match the outer, those hot looks might start looking a whole lot chillier in a month.

    Tip number 6: Be yourself. If you can’t be authentic from the beginning, someone will be in for a rude awakening later.

    Tip number 7: Ditch the list…the one with unrealistic expectations in a mate. Instead, write down the ways you want to feel in a relationship. Does she make you feel respected? Do you feel intellectually stimulated? Do you feel attractive, sexy, turned on? Do you laugh when you’re together? Do you feel like she “gets” you?

    Tip number 8: Don’t check your cellphone multiple times when you’re on a date. It sends a clear message that you’re bored, and you’re checking the time to see how much longer this particular boredom is going to last. Or worse…you’re checking for text messages. From another woman. Turn it off. Be with the person you’re with.

    Tip number 9: If she asks you on a date, either accept it or turn it down. Don’t wait to see if a better deal comes along, shuffling women around like cards in a magician’s deck. You either want to see the person or not. End of story.

    Tip number 10: Men and women can be friends, regardless of what Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally. Just make it clear up front. How? Go dutch. Later, after you’ve established the friendship, you’re more than welcome to pay for everything.

    That’s it. The top ten. Ladies, the advice applies to us, too.

    (And no, the tip I offered to my non-date wasn’t numero uno. It was number 7.)

    Want to add to the list? Here’s your chance.


  3. Some Day Your Prince(ss) Will Come

    March 30, 2014 by Diane

    Romantic wedding of royal couple

    Once upon a time, back in the seventies, there was a television show called The Dating Game. If you never saw it, imagine this:

    The stage rotates to reveal three bachelors perched on tall stools, three men with long sideburns and bell bottom pants and button-down shirts with wide cuffs. A partition separates them from the bachelorette, sitting with her knees angled to one side as she reads questions from her carefully crafted list. Questions like: “If you were butter and I was corn, what would you do?” When the list is finished and the commercial is over she picks one of the dreamboats, usually the runt, the one who answered: “I’d slather myself all over you baby, until your kernels popped.” (Yikes.) Their prize? A weekend together in the Cayman Islands.

    With a chaperone.

    As they blow a kiss to the camera everyone in the viewing audience knows how this island adventure will end: as soon as the plane lands. Unless this particular odd couple beats the odds and falls in love, and the relationship lasts longer than the relationships of the current crop of reality show contestants.

    Today’s version of The Dating Game is The Bachelorette. Here’s the run-down:

    The female contestant scores a free wardrobe, a hair stylist, a makeup artist, and twenty-five Prince Charmings chauffeured to her high-heeled manicured feet. They bow, they fawn, they emit mating sounds and stake out their territories in kissing contests.

    Then she sends them packing, one by one. Eventually one remains, and that one–if all goes according to the viewing public’s ardent wishes–will labor down onto one knee and propose.

    Reality? Bah.

    You know better…ye who date. Reality is what happens when the cameras are gone and those all-expense paid getaways are over. You’ve seen that ex-bachelorette scouting for a new soul mate on The Has-Been Pad three months later.

    Still, the ABC version of reality looks pretty good from where you sit, holding grandma’s withered spotted hand as she dozes in the nursing home. It looks pretty good because you don’t want to end up in a nursing home on the other end of the hand-holding.

    Or worse yet, with no hand to hold.