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Posts Tagged ‘mindful’

  1. Hope for Introverts Who Feel Like Party Poopers

    May 10, 2015 by Diane

    People in a concert

    Recently a friend invited me to attend a three-day camping/music festival in the mountains, an hour drive from where I live. For an introvert, three days amongst hordes of people and loud music is nerve-wracking. “Sounds fun!” I said, and then immediately began fretting.

    Will there be port-a-potties? I hate port-a-potties. What will I do with my stuff: my lawn chair, my backpack, my snacks and meals and bottled water and book and writing tablet and sleeping bag and whatever comfort crap I lug with me? And then there’s the hour drive up winding mountain roads. Driving is not my forte. And chitchat. I loathe chitchat! I never know what to say.

    But I told myself: it will be good for you to get out from behind the keyboard and mingle. So I bought a ticket.

    Except I nixed the camping part.

    And the three days.

    I committed to one day. For a few hours.

    Do you see how my introverted brain narrowed my experience so quickly? And still I worried! I worked myself into a nervous wreck. A weekend of fun turned into something that required me to gird my loins well in advance.

    Why?

    Because of the thoughts I entertained. Those thoughts were unwelcome guests, crowding the space in my mind.

    I tried smiling. It temporarily lulled my body into thinking that all was safe. I tried meditating, focusing on my “third eye,” directing my gaze upwards. It eased my racing heart, somewhat. I tried engaging in soothing self-talk. The only difference between today and any other day is the knowledge that I’m going to a music festival, and the dysfunctional thinking that I’ve attached to that future experience. But in spite of all the self-talk and relaxation techniques I still felt like damaged goods, unable to look forward to an event that most people would find enjoyable.

    What’s the matter with me!? I agonized.

    In desperation, I turned to the book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World. The author, Marti Olsen Laney, devotes a whole chapter to attending parties and other such events. What I read gave me new insight into myself, and changed my outlook. By Saturday morning I was eager to hit the road.

    What were Laney’s tips?

    Read on, fellow introverts.

    First: you are not damaged goods. You’re an introvert, and crowds will suck the energy from you. Extroverts thrive on gatherings and other people; it’s how they recharge. Introverts recharge by going within. So it’s natural to feel anxious before attending a big event. Here is how to make the experience less overwhelming:

    1. Relax the day beforehand to conserve your energy.

    I spent the afternoon in the park reading, and after a leisurely dinner, I watched a DVD before going to bed.

    2. When you arrive at the event, acclimate yourself gradually. Stand on the fringes and take it all in. Allow other people to approach you. When you’re feeling comfortable, proceed into the belly of the crowd.

    When I arrived, I greeted my friend, located the restrooms (yay, no port-a-potties!) and slowly made my way to the main stage. I set up my lawn chair in the back of the crowd next to three people sitting in lawn chairs and reading books. My kind of people.

    3. Take breaks as needed. Go to the restroom to escape, or step outside and take in some air.

    I wandered off by myself to take in the breathtaking view of the redwoods and the fog drifting in from the coast, and then found a small jazz trio jamming in the mess hall.

    4. Set a time limit for how long you’ll stay.

    I decided to give myself until 6:00, so I wouldn’t have to drive down the mountain in the dark. I ended up staying until 7:00, because I was having such a great time.

    5. Schedule downtime the following day to recharge your batteries.

    It was back to the park for me, with a good book.

    I am happy to report that the experience could not have been more perfect.

    Takeaways this week:

    The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney. If you’re an introvert and want to understand why you are the way you are, or you’re an extrovert who wants to understand introverts, get this book. Includes great tips on how to find balance in an overwhelming world.

    Respect your strengths as an introvert (creativity, good listening skills, lasting relationships, persistence, concentration…to name a few), and the requirements needed to protect your energy. Constant activity and loud noise is a drain. That’s okay. Take breaks as needed, set a time limit for participation, and rest before and after engagements.

    Conversations with groups can be intimidating. It takes longer for introverts to formulate ideas when conversing (it’s how are brains are wired), but that’s okay. A good line to use: “Give me time to think about it,” or “I’ll get back to you on that.” Or just smile, maintain eye contact, and let the extroverts do all the talking. They love to!

    Category Fer Cryin' Out Loud | Tags: ,,,, | 18 Comments

  2. Ten Tips to Make Life a Breeze

    February 8, 2015 by Diane

     

    Man Lounging In Hammock

    A breeze, eh?

    Well, the title made you click on this post, right? That’s the power of a headline. Now…can I back up that powerful headline with ten good tips?

    Well.

    Er.

    Okay, here goes…

    Tip number 1: There’s a right way and a wrong way to make a To-Do list

    First off, To-Do lists might as well be called To-Don’t lists, because most of what’s on the list to do never gets done. Why? We dump whatever’s in our brains onto a pad of paper, manage to knock off one or two tasks, and then we add five more. In other words, the list never ends! How’s that for motivation? So here’s the new rule: write down a reasonable amount of tasks to do, say, two or three. (Making a list for the week? Jot down seven items; one for each day.) Now…you can’t add anything to the list until you’ve done everything on it. That’s it. That’s the rule. I don’t care how long that thing hangs on your refrigerator door, you must abide by the rule. Trust me, the To-Dos will get done.

    Tip number 2: The tickler file to the rescue

    But I’ve got all these things that come up during the week, and if I don’t add them to the list, I’ll forget! Not so. Why? Because you’ve got a handy-dandy tickler file. What’s a tickler file? A shoebox. An in-basket. A plastic file nailed to your wall. Whatever. You get the idea. Now, when those ideas come rushing in, jot them down on a scrap of paper, one scrap per idea, and toss them in the file. Then forget about ‘em. Come Sunday (or whatever day you designate), you go through the file and do one of three things:

    Do the task (if it takes less than 2 minutes)

    Delegate it to someone else

    Defer it to another day. That doesn’t mean you add it to the To-Do list. It means that you write it in a notebook in one of several categories:

    Calls to make
    Stuff to do at home
    Stuff to do on the computer
    Errands to run
    Someday/maybe

    Then, next Sunday, after you go through your tickler file, you scan your notebook and pick seven tasks to put on your new To-Do list. Got it? Good.

    (You can thank David Allen for this one. His book is: Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity)

    Tip number 3: Schedule ten-minute tasks

    Need to clean out those old files? Go through that teetering stack of magazines? Get rid of clothes you never wear? Any project can be tackled in ten-minute increments. It’s surprising how much you can get done in ten eensy-weensy minutes. Just set the timer and have at it. When the timer goes off, stop. Ta-da! You’ve made progress. Doesn’t that feel good?

    Tip number 4: Take a break, kid!

    We’re more productive if we take a break every ninety minutes. A break can mean walking around the office, talking to a co-worker (oh, you do that constantly? Cut it out!), running up and down the stairs, meditating, having a donut. Whatever. As long as you step away from whatever you’re doing, your batteries will get a nice recharge. If you doubt what I’m saying, read The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz. (Wow, that’s a mouthful!) It’s a whole book on the subject of productivity, backed up with lotsa studies.

    Tip number 5: Do one thing at a time

    I might have said this in a previous post, but it bears repeating. When you work, work. When you talk, talk. When you listen, listen. When you eat, eat. When you sleep, sleep. One thing at a time, buster. Mindfully. It makes the moment seem longer. It makes you feel more relaxed. Give it a try!

    That’s it!  Five tips to make life a breeze.

    But wait, you promised ten tips!

    Oh yeah.

    Well, you’ll just have to tune in next week.

    * * *

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    Category Ain't Life Grand | Tags: ,, | 6 Comments

  3. Lost in the Self-Help Section

    December 21, 2014 by Diane

     

    Stacks of books

    I spent an afternoon in the self-help section in the library, searching for a fix for whatever was broken inside me, and I got lost. I got lost in books that offered advice on how-to, and why-not, and what-if. I got lost in books about how someone’s cat or dog or horse helped them overcome whatever it was they overcame. I got lost in the channeled texts and the autobiographies and the manifestation manuals; in the advice from Buddhists and Hindus and Christians and Athiests; in books on mindfulness and compassion and stress relief and figuring out one’s purpose. And if that weren’t enough, I then wandered over to the creativity section, to the books on how to plot and revise and overcome writer’s block and open the mind and dump out the contents.

    I gorged on all of this information. I pigged out. I greedily sucked it up. And like the dry soil in California that is suddenly inundated with rain, I couldn’t take anymore in. Like the soggy earth that bleeds water, I needed to find a metaphorical leech to release some of the pressure.

    But I kept grazing. In a bookstore.

    I’m a book buyer, after all. The books come to me.

    I continued to stuff in every crumb of wisdom from people other than myself, and then I wondered how I could stuff some of my wisdom into other people; add to the mass of information that’s already out there in the world. I wondered how I could help others through my blogging.

    So I gorged some more. On the internet.

    I visited blogs about blogging, and blogs about gaining followers, and blogs about the proper way to tweet, and finally, finally…I couldn’t take in another word. I couldn’t open another book. I couldn’t click on another email about how to (fill in the blank). I couldn’t read another tweet directing me to another self-help site.

    I needed to back away from the table and put down my fork.

    I lost myself in the voices of others. I had shut out the puny voice within me that was shouting, “Hey!” and “Yoo-hoo!” and “Listen up!” I had forgotten: what did Dorothy and her gang learn from the wizard? Whatever we are seeking is already inside us, in that place called “home.”

    So my advice, if the world needs another piece of advice, is this:

    Go home.

    It’s fine to look for answers elsewhere–from books, television shows, your mother, your best friend, your spouse, your significant other, your minister, your therapist, your doctor, the stranger on the bus bench. It’s fine…up to a point. But eventually, you need to go home.

    However you get there–via a stroll on the beach, a walk in the woods, in an empty church; on a meditation bench or couch cushion or the back of your father’s pickup truck–make a point of spending time in that still, quiet place within.

    Ask your questions.

    And then listen.

    The answer might not come immediately, but keep checking in and eventually you’ll get that twinge, that shot of instinct, that certainty, that knowing. It was there, all along. Sometimes we don’t trust it. We need validation from outside. That’s okay too. That’s what other people are for; and books.

    But if you’re among the lost souls in the self-help section, look up. It’s called self-help. Go home.

    Category Fer Cryin' Out Loud | Tags: ,,, | 6 Comments

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