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Posts Tagged ‘vegan’

  1. Seek and Ye Shall Find the Nuttiness

    May 22, 2016 by Diane

    girl with bag and binocular

    In a previous post, I invited you, dear reader, to tell me about the squirrelly things that happen to you. In exchange, I would offer my tongue-in-cheek advice on how to deal with them. I have come to the conclusion, based on the lack of Dear Digby submissions, that all things squirrelly are funneled by some cosmic force exclusively onto the path upon which I ramble.

    Perhaps I need to ramble a different path.

    Or notice different things on the path I ramble.

    Bun Karayado, in his guest post on my blog, spent a morning observing things that drive him crazy, per my instructions. It’s only fair, I reasoned, that I distribute the craziness. So I roped him into this task, this dear man who won’t leave home without a paper bag over his head. I suggested that he take off the bag and look around. There is much to see in the world that is just plain squirrelly.

    This he did.

    This he did, when a complete stranger asked him in a sort of I’m-brainwashing-you-into-seeing-the-world-as-the-screwy-place-it-is kind of way.

    And he did so hilariously.

    This is what I love about Bun’s work. He takes very ordinary things—showering—and finds the hilarity in them, and somehow does it all with good cheer, even though he’s complaining. It’s a true art.

    What I learned from his post, and I’m sure it’s the takeaway that everyone had, is that if I look for things to annoy me, that is what I’ll find.

    Every day, we’re presented with a banquet of goodies. It’s like sitting down to a long table filled with heaping platters of food: turkey oozing juice and roasted to a golden crisp, piles of creamy mashed potatoes, fresh-baked sourdough rolls still warm from the oven, peas dripping with butter.

    Me? All I see is a dead bird, gluten, and dairy, and I’m a gluten-intolerant vegan.  Sitting in a three-legged chair.

    Now, if I turned my attention to the left, I might notice the wooden bowl overflowing with salad greens that my sister harvested from rich dark soil that very morning. Or the glass bowl of cranberry sauce that my mother made, standing at the stove with her wooden spoon.

    So I have decided to counter the suggestion that I gave to Bun, and look for things that bring me joy. This I will do for seven days, and share the results with you in my next post.

    No squirrelly-ness.

    No nutty takes on the nutty stuff that drives me nutty.

    Can I do it? Can I get through a day without some elderly woman disrobing and delousing herself on my park bench as I eat a sandwich? Can I stand in line at the pharmacy without a complete stranger telling me his life story? Can I attend an outdoor concert without some drunken woman clambering over row after row of seats to reach the one seat next to me so she can pass out on my shoulder?

    I’m willing to give it a try. I’m willing to test the possibility that it’s my viewpoint, and not some huge practical joke by the universe, that provokes such occurrences in my life.

    And you? Will you join me in this expedition to the bright side of the street? What brought you joy today?

  2. How One Obscenely Large Crow Turned Me Into A Vegan Overnight

    July 5, 2015 by Diane


    Cartoon ravens talking

    I can name a dozen reasons why I decided to choose a whole-foods lifestyle. I’ve listed ten, below. But there’s only one thing that convinced me to make the switch from carnivore to herbivore overnight.

    An obscenely large crow.

    How obscenely large?

    Try…a crow who smokes cigars and struts around in a pinstripe suit and hat.

    That crow was in my backyard, dining on a rat.

    At first, I didn’t realize it was a rat. I just saw Mr. Crow machine-gunning something with his beak, and that something leaping into the air trying to get away. I thought, My God, it’s eating a squirrel! I marched outside to shoo the crow away, and skidded to a stop.

    If there’s one thing I dislike more than crows, it’s rats. And that pecked pecker was definitely one big honkin’ rat.

    This is nature in progress, I told myself. This is an example of dining out on the food chain.

    But the rat was STILL ALIVE! (And there may have been some entrails involved.)

    I spun around and fled to my cottage and closed the blinds and shouted to the empty room, “That’s it! I’m not eating meat anymore.”

    I had already given up diary (lactose intolerance) and gluten (gluten intolerance) so officially, I was announcing my veganism to the world (barnyard animal intolerance). I’ll admit, it took another month for me to get into the swing of eating the whole-foods way. But now, two weeks in, I can honestly say…hmm.

    And…I kinda like this.

    And…hey, I’ve got my pep back! I’m not snoozing at my desk at three-o’clock in the afternoon.

    So, for all of you who are curious about why someone would swear off meat and dairy, here are the top ten reasons why I chose to go vegan.

    1. The aforementioned crow.

    2. The butcher at Safeway. When I went shopping for ground turkey, he appeared, with bloody fingerprints on his white lab coat. Now, I have it on good authority that it wasn’t blood; it was the red dye butchers use to make meat look…bloodier. Still, it looked like blood, and that’s one thing I didn’t need to eyeball when planning my dinner menu.

    3. I’d rather get my protein from a living organism than a dead one. Nuts grow into trees. Seeds grow into plants. Even the lowly potato keeps sprouting things after it’s harvested. Dead animals? Dead meat. That energy is kaput. Oh sure, a chicken’s body will dash around for awhile after its head is removed. But by the time that carcass is plucked and packaged and shipped and cooked and served on your mother’s best china, it’s dead, with a trace of lingering adrenaline the poor bird released right before it was whacked. I’m manufacturing plenty of adrenaline on my own thank you very much; I don’t need to imbibe more.

    4. What do cows eat? Grain. What do chickens and turkeys eat? Seeds. I’m skipping the middleman and eating direct.

    5. It’s cheaper. Unless I’m shopping at Whole Foods.

    6. I can buy the bulk of my dietary needs outdoors, at the Farmer’s Market. No fluorescent lights. No canned music from the 80’s. No employees who don’t have a clue about the food they’re stocking. I’ve sung my praises of the outer aisles here.

    7. I have more energy. (See # 3 above.)

    8. I sleep better. Can’t explain that one, but I’m eternally grateful.

    9. I feel cleaner inside. My digestive system is happier. It doesn’t feel like I’m churning lard through my guts.

    And last but not least…

    10. When Vegans pass gas, it doesn’t stink. It says so, right in the literature, and I’m standing by it. If you happen to be standing by, you’ll notice: my farts don’t stink. This alone makes the world a better place.

    Want to learn more about eating the whole-foods way? I recommend the following books:

    The Forks Over Knives Plan by Alona Pulde, MD and Matthew Lederman, MD

    My Beef with Meat by Rip Esselstyn

    and the DVDs:

    Forks Over Knives, Virgil Films and Entertainment

    The Engine 2 Kitchen Rescue with Rip Esselstyn