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The Secret to Success

August 18, 2013 by Diane

Casual homeless fashion look grunge shoes

Now if you ask me, and since you’re listening I’ll tell you, if you want to succeed in life, if you want to be someone in those slippers, here’s what you do. You get out of bed and straighten your spine, right off. Walk tall. Bones up. And you skip the coffee with the shot of bourbon in it. You give that bourbon to someone who can’t straighten up. You go for the power greens instead. Popeye stuff is what I call it. You get that first serving of veg-et-a-bles in you, whirl it around in a smoothie with some skimmed cow and some of that curdled stuff, that pro-bi-o-tic, and a banana to give it some heft and maybe a handful of frozen strawberries because you need five servings of fruits, and you whirl all that together and you drink it down. Add a shot of castor oil. Maybe a spoonful of sawdust for fiber.

And then you do push ups.

Hey, where you going? I’m not done here.

I haven’t got to the part where you jog five miles. Uphill. And then you sit down and write a check for the mortgage payment. Tee hee hee.

Ah, go on.

You’ll never make it in this world.

Now you take me, I’m all set up here. I’ve got a brand new refrigerator box. It’s got four sides, hardly dented. I can slide my feet right in with my head out the opening like this…see, fresh air. All the air I need.

And all the time in the world to breathe it.


  1. Joan merdinger says:

    Funny stuff!

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