RSS Feed

Posts Tagged ‘gratitude’

  1. In Praise of the Outer Aisles

    September 4, 2013 by Diane

    Strawberries

    The large-chain grocery stores can keep their fluorescent lights and canned 80’s music and indifferent checkers, the bag boy waiting for his next coffee break. They can keep their fruit flown in from Australia pyramided under orange lights to make the oranges…oranger.

    I’ll direct my feet to the farmers’ market. I’ll breathe fresh air and mingle in my community of neighbors and listen to live music—guitar, violin, a Bluegrass singer. I’ll hand my money direct to the farmer who will hand me plump strawberries harvested that morning near the ocean, and organic grapes the size of thumbs. I’ll wander the stalls of fresh flowers and crackly baguettes and giant artichokes and seven varieties of hummus, and sweet baby corn that can be eaten raw, there in the sunlight, among friends.

    I’ll jot down the farmer’s tips…

    “Take a clove of garlic and plant it in an inch of soil on Halloween. The rain will water it, and come spring it will sprout beautiful flowers and you’ll have garlic year-round.”

    I’ll show him the leaves of my tomato plant that are turning yellow.

    “Is the fruit ripe?” he’ll ask.

    “The skins are splitting on the vine.”

    “Too much water, too fast.”

    “Some of the fruit is still green,” I’ll say.

    “Needs fertilizer. At this point, use nitrogen and magnesium.”

    Can you get that kind of service in the grocery store? “I wouldn’t know, ma’am. Our tomatoes are shipped from Mexico. We pick ‘em off the truck.”

    I’m happier in the outer aisles, breathing the morning air, the sunlight warming my skin, hearing the laughter of children, seeing the smiles of older couples, carrying a reusable cloth bag spilling over with bouquets of red and orange and yellow cosmos and thick gluten-free cinnamon rolls and homemade lavender soap and raisins so plump they squirt when you bite into them.

    The raisins at the chain-stores rattle around in their miniature boxes like old teeth.


  2. A Reason to Smile

    August 2, 2013 by Diane

    Medical record

    I spied Doctor Heckmann in the checkout line at Draeger’s Supermarket.

    He was the hematologist who doctored me over twenty years ago. He looks like David Letterman and sounds like Garrison Keillor minus the sense of humor. Not to say that he’s a dour fellow. He’s quiet and respectful and I remember he listened not only to my heart but to my soul, and his fingers, when he palpated my liver and spleen, were warm and gentle.

    I was sent to him because I had a high temperature and a horrible headache and the kind of fatigue that makes you feel like you’re Scrooge’s old pal Marley, the ghost in heavy chains who moaned and quivered and appeared cold and insubstantial. My medical team couldn’t determine what was wrong. My blood count was plummeting. My weight was dwindling. My eyelashes were vivid against my pale skin. I couldn’t pull myself from bed for six months. The team scratched their heads, pulled out their prescription pads and loaded me up on medications that gave me a rash and made me sick in ways that I wasn’t already sick, so they prescribed medications to counteract the effects of the other medications and by the time they sent me to Doctor Heckmann I was carrying a brown paper sack full of vials.

    He lined the vials up on his desk. He jotted some notes on his legal pad. Then he scooped the bottles back into the bag and told me he was taking me off all the medications.

    I fell in love.

    Not the romantic kind of love.

    This was the kind of love you feel when everything grey transforms into a lovely pastel robin’s egg blue again.

    He diagnosed me as having chronic fatigue syndrome. He had several patients with the same symptoms. He admitted that the medical establishment didn’t know much about the disease and there was no known cure, but something behind his words told me that even though he didn’t have Letterman’s sense of humor or Keillor’s ability to spin a good yarn, I would find a reason to smile again.

    This was the doctor I spied in the checkout line at Draeger’s Supermarket.

    He was buying a large salad, a bottle of Vodka and five limes which he laid out with the same tender fingers. He avoided my steady gaze. Perhaps he had seen me smiling at him at the drug store twenty minutes earlier. Or he had seen me the week before in Safeway, observing him from the corner of my eye at the deli. Or the month before that, doing a double-take as we crossed paths in the parking lot.

    Perhaps he thought I was stalking him.

    I wanted to thank him for being the greatest doctor on earth. I wanted to tell him that I’m still standing because of him. But something told me not to intrude. He continued to avoid my gaze as he bagged his own groceries and turned to leave.

    “Are you Doctor Heckmann?” I blurted, and he almost paused; his head moved a fraction in my direction. Then he kept going, craving his anonymity perhaps, his life as an Everyman and not a specialist in a lab coat.  Or he didn’t want to admit that he had no memory of me all.

    But I will always remember him.

    There are people like that in life, people who catch you when you’re grabbing at air, and when you’re back on your feet they disappear, their job done. If you’re lucky you’ll glimpse them years later, buying a large salad, a bottle of Vodka and five limes in the supermarket.

    And you’ll light up with gratitude.


  3. The Jesus Chair

    July 26, 2013 by Diane

    Vintage beige color chair with carved legs

    I put that chair out at night. You know the one, the Jesus chair? The straight-backed chair from mama’s set of four that I kept after she passed, the only good chair left in the bunch? That one. I set it out next to the bed for Jesus to sit in. I read about that somewhere. Norman Vincent Peale, I think. Some woman put a chair next to the bed and asked Jesus to sit in it and watch over her at night. So that’s what I did. When things got so bad, when anxiety had me by the throat because I was waiting for those test results, those results to find out if my heart was going to keep on beating another fifty years, or ten, or five, or one, one year, maybe six months. Maybe a week. Maybe a week was all I had left, and that chair with Jesus in it would keep me safe so I could sleep through the night and leave off worrying. I was choking with the worry.

    So I put out that chair, and when I woke up in the morning, Manny was sitting in it. He was sitting there in his ratty old bathrobe, snoring. My heart swelled, it overflowed seeing my man sitting there watching over me all night just in case Jesus didn’t show up. That’s the kind of man he is. He’d sit in that Jesus chair all night if that’s what it took to make me happy. You can see why I married the lug.

    It did my heart good, seeing Manny sitting in the Jesus chair. All that worry just flew away, like those dark crows that gather in the tall pine trees and shadow the lawn when they flap over. All that worry just disappeared, and I knew that whatever the doctor told me, my heart was strong. I would be fine, just fine, no matter what those results said.