We’ve all heard about it– from friends, loved ones, a medical professional, some guy in a hard hat. We’ve seen it in the news, read it online, heard it on the radio. It’s outnumbering the cases of Ebola and the measles. You know what I’m talking about.
Squirrels in the Doohickey.
To find out if you’ve got it, or had it, or might get it, here are 10 signs to watch for in yourself. Or others.
1. You believe everything you think.
2. You believe everything everyone else thinks.
3. You forgot to remember the thing you forgot. And you are now trying to make sense of this statement.
4. You wake up in the morning, get out of bed, and realize you’re still dreaming. So you wake up, get out of bed, and realize you’re still dreaming. So you wake up, get out of bed–you get my drift.
5. The number of drafts you’ve written for your novel exceeds the number of pages. The length of time it takes you to prepare for a date exceeds the length of the relationship. The amount of effort you put into avoiding failure exceeds the amount of effort to succeed.
6. You’re the instructor of a student driver. If you willingly put your life into the hands of a teenager operating heavy machinery, there’s definitely something amiss in your doohickey.
7. Your greatest contribution to humankind is the colonoscopy prep.
8. When you finally became aware of your thoughts, the thought you were thinking was, “what was I just thinking?”
9. You spent eight years of your life, and hundreds of thousands of dollars, so you can peer at the fungus between people’s toes. And you get excited if it glows.
10. You spend hours and hours every week, oh, say, writing posts for this blog, even though your logical self is prodding you to spend the time on more lucrative endeavors, such as copywriting, and your emotional self is shouting at you to go outside and, well, play, and your wise self is whispering in your ear to focus on your soul-food, which happens to be, oh, fiction writing, but you ignore the wisdom and keep blogging (or whatever it is you do) week after week after week. That, my friend, is a sure sign that the squirrels have taken over.
So, how did you score?
1 – 3 symptoms, you’re naturally screwy.
4 – 6 symptoms, your doohickey is wide open.
7 – 10 symptoms, you’ve got a clear case of rodents in the wiring. Admit it. You now have an excuse for your behavior.
Want to really drive yourself squirrelly? Try reasoning with a fax machine.