I went on a non-date with a guy. It seemed like a date: an outing at the coast, dinner, he drove, he paid. But there we were, sitting at an outdoor café after a lovely stroll, when my “date” leaned forward and asked me for dating advice.
I sipped my tea thoughtfully, mentally banging my head on the table, and then offered up one of the gems on this list. (Guess.)
Tip number 1: Don’t ask your date for dating advice.
Tip number 2: A getaway to the shore, with dinner, is likely to be construed as a date. If you also pay for everything, most women will agree…it’s a date.
Tip number 3: If you ask for a woman’s pedigree on the first outing and then slot her into the category of “having too much baggage,” take a breath. Everyone over the age of fifteen has baggage. Instead, be mindful of how the baggage is handled. Is she still dragging it around? Has she turned it in for a newer model? Or has she dealt with everything in the bags, moved up the evolutionary ladder, and now travels lighter?
Tip number 4: If you’re only seeking women who have advanced educational degrees, you might miss out on women who have advanced wisdom. All the college in the world won’t teach wisdom. That comes from life experiences, awareness, and inner work.
Tip number 5: If you’re only seeking women who are “hotties,” look deeper. If the inner package doesn’t match the outer, those hot looks might start looking a whole lot chillier in a month.
Tip number 6: Be yourself. If you can’t be authentic from the beginning, someone will be in for a rude awakening later.
Tip number 7: Ditch the list…the one with unrealistic expectations in a mate. Instead, write down the ways you want to feel in a relationship. Does she make you feel respected? Do you feel intellectually stimulated? Do you feel attractive, sexy, turned on? Do you laugh when you’re together? Do you feel like she “gets” you?
Tip number 8: Don’t check your cellphone multiple times when you’re on a date. It sends a clear message that you’re bored, and you’re checking the time to see how much longer this particular boredom is going to last. Or worse…you’re checking for text messages. From another woman. Turn it off. Be with the person you’re with.
Tip number 9: If she asks you on a date, either accept it or turn it down. Don’t wait to see if a better deal comes along, shuffling women around like cards in a magician’s deck. You either want to see the person or not. End of story.
Tip number 10: Men and women can be friends, regardless of what Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally. Just make it clear up front. How? Go dutch. Later, after you’ve established the friendship, you’re more than welcome to pay for everything.
That’s it. The top ten. Ladies, the advice applies to us, too.
(And no, the tip I offered to my non-date wasn’t numero uno. It was number 7.)
Want to add to the list? Here’s your chance.